Grieve in Isolation?

Losing someone can be overwhelming. Whether it is losing someone you know, your friends, your families; it’s personal to you to grieve the loss. The grieving process takes time. Everyone responds differently and has its own personal timeline for grief. Some people take weeks, some other can take years. Inevitably it can’t be forced or rushed.

Some research shows that one way to recover from grief through the passage of time is to have social support. Robert Neimeyer, PhD says, “Normally, we can hold a loved one’s hand, have meaningful conversations, affirm the bond, make amends. When we are able to practice these things, it softens the blow of loss.” Very sadly, with strict isolation measures during the pandemic, people are failing to include social connection with other mourners. As a person who lives alone, isolated at my room away from beloved ones, I have to be honest that it is difficult to cope with despair alone.

To this moment I am writing this, an additional 982 Covid patients have died only in the 24-hour period, bringing the total death toll to 70,192 in Indonesia. The real number may be even higher as deaths may have been systemically underestimated. Death announcements in business email, Instagram stories, WhatsApp status, group messages, tweets are coming significantly more frequent than they have ever been, which is a difficult experience in any situation. What disheartening is that most may not have the opportunity to say goodbye.

The experience of loss has transformed into a new cycle, where we are facing a new grief in the process of moving on from prior grief. The turmoil of normal stage of grief does not get the opportunity to adjust to the loss or ask for social support. Pandemic is driving away the uplift of social attachment, having to figure out the vague sense of anxiety and sadness individually. I am certain that most of us has never been through anything like this before.

Grief can feel isolating enough even without isolation measures. Lack of physical comfort from families and friends can trigger other unpleasant emotional responses. It is the inability to act effectively, frustration of not knowing what it is going to be in the future. In society, we are often told that the pain will go away faster if we ignore it, which is just about the worst advice ever. The grief cascades from the loss of what is missing to the loss senses of self. And the isolation makes the loneliness and grief more intense.

Some say it is only a phase. It is understandable that it is important to be patient and let the process of grief naturally unfolds. But how can someone go through denial, anger and guilt, bargaining, depression, and ultimately acceptance alone? (ref: Kubler-Ross grief cycle). How can someone prevent themselves from having trouble recovering from the loss? Can someone manage to go full circle and resume to their normal life?